Being a Mum...

Last night while lying in bed with Simba I gave him some advice... "It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice.".  

I do this all the time. I share little pieces of wisdom, short stories with morals, life experiences I've gathered. Scolding him, nudging him, pushing him goading him. I'm hard on him. I want him to do more, learn fast, be neater, grow faster... Remember things that will help him in the long run...

Bringing up a child alone is not easy. You keep questioning the style of your upbringing, you tend to second guess the decisions you take and the kind of core values and morals your child is growing up with is a constant worry. At least that's what I do. I keep worrying about if I'm doing the right thing, whether he'll be a decent, confident, honest and loving human being when he grows up, if the lessons learnt today will help him be successful and have a wholesome life. Am I doing enough?

I try and remeber what it was like before I had Simba...it's not been long but it feels like a lifetime... I wonder if everybody feels the same way...the way it was for me...the metamorphosis. 


It happened slowly...over a period of time...with me growing older, wider, greyer, dryer, more cynical but also more thankful and grateful, more impatient but strangely at the same time more patient... And it's still a work in progress... This thing called Motherhood.

Definitely a life changing moment when I saw the double strip on my home pregnancy kit and tried it again just to be sure...slowly but surely the mum in me began to be made just as the baby in me was being made...the faint butterfly wings in my tummy when I wasn't even sure if it's the baby moving or just a rumbly tummy craving for some spicy crabs or "puchka". The baby grew just as I grew...into a woman from just a girl...a mum from a woman...

Nothing had prepared me for the surge of emotions I felt when I saw my baby for the first time...the tiny little thing moving and breathing inside me...difficult to see clearly on a black and white screen which seemed to be a really old and defective black and white tv from some long forgotten era with it's continuously flickering image...but it failed to stop the tears...there actually was a wriggly thing inside me!!

Growing larger is never easy...on your morale, self image, confidence and marriage... But no matter what you were told by your mother or friends or sis, what you feel when the screaming little bundle is put into your arms is unique to you...there's you and your baby and then there's the rest of the world....nobody could ever feel what I was feeling for my baby right then right there right in the middle of all those strangers in the delivery room...right at the that moment when I was holding my baby for a moment before he was taken away from me for a whole lot of worldly social medcial formalities... With tears streaming down my face a mum was born...

From then on till today and I'm sure till the day I die my son is and will be the most important thing in my life...nothing else comes close...

I wish with all my heart that my Simba grows up to be a man... A real one...responsible, dependable, successful, kind, gentle, definitely polite, grateful, God fearing, loving and above all good...

I also told him this last night, the three things which I hope will stay with him as he grows up and away from me... Be intelligent and think clearly, be kind and be true and work hard and be healthy... I pray that this stays with him and guides him through his life. I know he doesn't understand it all yet...he's just seven...but he will and when he does I have enough faith to know that it will make a difference.

 GOOD HEAD, GOOD HEART AND GOOD HEALTH!


Good night my baby,

Mamma loves you...